In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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