We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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