Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
