I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
