I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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