Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
