Pants 0. Shit 1.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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