I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
