Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
