i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
