Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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