you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
