I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
