and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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