the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize