Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
