Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
