Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
