a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
