So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
