I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
