evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
