Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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