I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
