dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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