I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
