Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
