He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
