Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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