Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
