I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
