I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There r osticjed everywhere
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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