Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
