I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
