She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Welp...herpes.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
