You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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