and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize