If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize