I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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