You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
