when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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