I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Found your dick twin last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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