You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
