I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
