Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
