Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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