Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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