I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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