census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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