You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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