lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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