you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
