I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
