so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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