sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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