i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
