his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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