you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
