Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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