I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize