Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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