Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
