YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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