that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
