Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
