Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
