She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
