sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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