I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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