Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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