I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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