i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
