Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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