VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
