How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
