K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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