eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
