Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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