I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
